The last Entry

It has been one week since I have left London and I have been avoiding making my last post on here. It’s so weird to think that a little over a year ago I started this blog to take you all on the journey with me, and realizing I am at the end of that journey is hard to comprehend. Someone asked me the other day, “In a few words sum up your year in London.” My response: “This year was the hardest, most challenging year full of kidney and bladder infections, broken toes, sprained elbows, concussions, family ill at home, laughter, overwhelming joy, and personal growth, and mostly a better relationship with Jesus.” Would I change any one part of my year? Absolutely not!!! Every struggle and pain and illness only made me cling tighter to God, and it made the good things that happened so much better!!! It’s funny my mom tells me how confused people at my home church must have felt this year. The first half of the year was filled with prayer requests about finding peace away from home and to overcome the horrible home-sickness. Well, that prayer was obviously answered because by the second half of the year many of you were praying for me as I thought about whether to stay for another year or not and for help coping once I came back.

The last weeks before I left England were filled with teary goodbyes and trying to cling onto every last possible memory and make new ones while there was still time. As I packed my bags and went through the many many things I somehow accumulated over the year, I realized just how much I had grown and overcome that year.

Most of you know I have had bad anxiety attacks since the age of 9, and they were the type to take over your life. I didn’t ever want to go to far from home in fear that I might have one in public and it caused any little bit of stress to turn into a nightmare. I remember filling out the applications for Time for God, the organization I went through to get to the charity I was teaching with, and thinking “Jeralee, what are you doing? It’s one thing to leave the state but the country and then overseas?? You’ll never make it!” But, fortunately I continued on filling them out feeling that if God wanted me there, anxiety was no issue.  Let me tell you, over the course of the year I had 3 major attacks. Some of you might be thinking that’s a lot, but I typically had 3 A MONTH before. If any of you have ever suffered from anxiety or seen one of mine in action this next bit is for you. I am now officially off medication for my anxiety for the first time since I was 9 years old. To me, this is one of the biggest miracles I never thought I would experience. Now, anxiety is still a daily challenge for me, the difference is I’m no longer facing it alone. Let me tell you being 1000s of miles away from home and family and dealing with anxiety can be the scariest thing ever. It is absolutely impossible to deal with alone, and so for the first time I had to cling on to Jesus and let Him get me through it. There is no feeling like the arms of Jesus Christ completely surrounding and holding you, and I get to feel that on a daily basis!! I have had many people try to preach this verse to me throughout my life: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” ; Philippians 4:6. I am going to tell you right now if you ever meet someone with anxiety learn what this means before you preach it because telling us anxiety is something we choose is not the answer. Because I had heard this by so many people throughout my life it actually caused me to pull away from God. Not because of what the Scripture says, but because I was always told that this verse meant we are not relying on God if we are anxious and we choose to then put up a boundary between us. Brothers and sisters this is not the way it should be taught. To me, I felt people were telling me a problem I faced as a child was something I chose because I didn’t want to be close with God, and because of this I was always very cautious about wanting to rely on Him during these attacks. Maybe this makes no sense to you, but in a mind of a what was child, it did. Anyways, sorry I’m wandering off topic a bit, but I wanted you to see that it wasn’t just as easy change for me to go to completely relying on God. By nature we are stubborn and selfish and I wanted to fix myself without any help. HAHA jokes on me! The way we came together may have not been the best way, but now that I’m with Him, I’m not going anywhere!!!

Anxiety was one among many challenges I faced this last year, but I won’t recap each one since most of you were along for the ride of that already. I just really want to reiterate how much I had to depend on God this year, and through all the ups and downs, He was constantly the only one not letting me down!

Alright so I started with the good news, here goes for the bad…

Leaving my kids. Oh man that was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Just writing it right now makes me tear up. I waited as long as possible before telling them I was leaving, and once I did they didn’t really understand. I spent a good portion of a day talking to each and every one explaining why I was leaving and how much I would miss them and so on, and then without fail a bit later they one by one asked me “So next year what time will you be picking me up for my lessons?” Talk about a stab to the heart. One of them said to me “When you go to America I am going to come with you in your pocket, just make sure to cut holes for breathing!” Another one, my most challenging student I might add, said “You are my best friend in the whole wide world and you will be forever. Don’t forget about me ok?” As the time got closer and I continued to prepare them for what was happening, it began slowly sinking in, and I must say this was worse. I had two little girls that were crying so hard their mom needed to be called. I had another one, in 3^rd grade, tell me that it was ok I was leaving because everyone else left too. It’s the thing I had been telling them all year. That among all the people that walked in and out of their lives I wasn’t going to do that. And that as hard as it was at home, our lessons were their safe place where no matter how naughty they were, I loved them just the same. In order to continue being a witness to them, I plan on writing them frequently throughout the year and visiting again next summer. Please add them to your prayer list, they are some of the most incredible people I have ever met. Some of them have gone through more in their 6 years of living then most people do in an entire lifetime. So pictures were taken, and letters were written and left with their new teacher to give to them on the first day of school next year. And as I continue to pray for them each everyday, I know they made as big of an impact on me as I did on them.

Finally, how has it been settling in back home? To put it bluntly it sucks! Haha ok so no its not that bad I have just experienced some major reverse culture shock. I know I know you guys think its ridiculous and a made up thing, but its really true!! It is weird being back to the same town where everything is the same and though so much happened to me in that year, not a lot happened here. The physical things such as my sleep is off, I have almost wrecked my car pulling into the wrong lane, and not hearing my favorite accent are all the obvious repercussions of coming back. But more than that, its coming home and wanting to talk 24/7 about London and the differences and what I did and so on, and people typically ask me “How was London?” give me about 2 minutes to respond, then get bored and move on. Not faulting any of you out there who may have done that and are reading this, but you just have to realize that was the most important thing that’s ever happened to me and I could sit and talk about it til I’m blue in the face, so feel free to cut me off at any point! I keep thinking in my head, “ok don’t bring up London people are sick of hearing about it blah blah blah” but then I realized if you care you’ll want to hear it, and if you don’t well you are still going to hear it =] But no, everyday I am hear I fall a step back into pattern and though I am planning on returning to London next summer, the question of if I will ever move back there is answered simply: You’ll see =]

What’s next you say? Well, I am moving up to Seattle in September to attend Seattle Pacific University where I PLAN to spend the next 3 years finishing my degree and getting a BA in elementary education. No that was not a typo, plan is in all caps because I have previously planned to do all 4 years of college at once and look where God took me, so I am open to wherever He sends me next, just waiting for the assignment! I would really like to spend sometime as a missionary again, I am not picking a destination that’s up to God, and again when that might be I don’t know. But what I can say is I have now only just wet my toes on working in mission field and I definitely plan to continue swimming in it sometime in the future, hopefully soon!

Ok ok so if you read this whole thing you seriously deserve an award for listening to all my ramblings. But hey it’s better in writing then in person isn’t it =]

Again I want to thank all of you who supported me throughout this last year. You guys were really incredible and every card I received was taped up on my wall, along with every email! I love you all dearly and look forward to meeting with you in the next few weeks!

I am officially ending my last blog post ever for the journey to London, but stay tuned there may be a new one soon! =]

...and the story continues

Wow I cannot believe it is May already! I have to tell you first off that I feel very guilty about being a rubbish blogger this year. I told myself I would be updating it every week, that soon turned to once a month, and now just about every 3. It is funny because I have so much to tell you but when it comes to just sitting down and writing it out I tend to hit a blank wall. Since I last talked to you (wrote, although I like to think of it as a conversation), some pretty significant things have happened.

First of all, I turned 20. My amazing housemates and some other volunteers took me to my favourite restaurant here, Nandos, and then went back home to an amazing cake and gifts. I have to say I was wondering how this birthday was going to go being so far from home, but it really turned out to be very special, although I still wish I was in my teens =].

On April 5, I raced to Heathrow airport, which I still find myself grumbling towards after what will now be referred to as the Christmas fiasco of 2010! Anyways, I went to the airport to pick up my mommy! Man I can’t tell you how exciting it was to see that familiar face after what felt like ages! We had an amazing 4 weeks together including taking a trip to Italy, laughing to tears on most occasions, walking around London, eating yummy food, and just being able to sit on her lap or lay and watch TV together! I think the best event of her trip was by far the Royal Wedding!! We got up around 6 am on the 29^th and quickly got ready and headed out to catch the bus and get into central London before the streets were all blocked off. We ended up finding fabulous spots to see and getting some really great pictures. Mom was not right next to me because finding a spot we could both see was tricky, so Tobi and I went down where we could find some shorter people for me and mom watched it further up. After Kate and Wills and the rest of the family, including Harry my future husband =], went back to Buckingham Palace for the reception mom and I raced down there to be able to see the kiss on the balcony. It was so funny because somehow we made it right to the front although we had a huge obstruction in front of us and didn’t see the kiss, being in the crowd and excitement of it all was well worth it, even if I was pushed up against some smelly sweaty man!! Haha! So the kiss finishes and mom and I are not quite sure how massive this crowd is behind us, so we begin yelling “Turn around! Go back the way you came in!!” We desperately thought we simply needed to instruct the crowd on which way to move and we would be out of there!! HAAA were we in for a shock. Looking at magazine and helicopter pictures from the sky view we now see why no one could move to get out. THE CROWD WAS SOOO MASSIVE and we were right in front!!! Once we finally made it out of that commotion we got to a little park to sit down in, and within minutes I was fast asleep in the grass. We both got home that night and passed out around 9 pm which was the earliest we had been to bed all trip!! On, Monday the 2^nd I had to take her back to the airport where we said a very tearful goodbye and promised to see eachother soon!! While mom was here she was able to come and watch me teach one day and meet all my supervisors and colleagues. It was so fun to show her everything I was doing and show her what a big girl I have become teaching my own kiddos now =]! In not long I will be heading back home for hopefully a HUGE McKasson/Johnson celebration and reunion!

Mid April, whist mom was still here, I received a letter in the mail from Seattle Pacific University. It came through the door and although I had been waiting, it took me a few moments before I was ready to open it and see that yes I had been accepted!!! As many of you may know, I toyed with the question of what I was going to do next year and should I stay here again or come home. I prayed and prayed and finally decided to apply to SPU fully believing that if I got in, it was where God intended me to be. With that, I am very excited to be starting my sophomore year there this fall and hopefully get involved in many on campus programs!! Thank you for all who were praying with me about this decision and gave encouragement along the way!!!!

I don’t have loads to tell you about my kids in this blog because I had most of April off so I am just now getting back into the swing of things. We have 2 and a ½ more months until we finish, last teaching day being July 22. It is definitely still a constant struggle trying to get through to some of them and wondering whether I have made an impact at all this year.

This year has taught me more than anything that my career choice as a teacher is the right one! I so look forward to every lesson with these kids and nothing is more exciting then when the light bulb clicks on in their head and months of work pays off!! My whole life I have believed I would teach kindergarten, and luckily this year showed me I want to teach a different grade. I think 5^th grade is the year I want to teach now as I really enjoy the relationship you can have with an older child who gets your jokes and understands that working hard will pay off. Although the degree I was getting back home would have covered this as well, it is really good to know before I started a year of teaching kindergarten and then wished I had taught older.

As for my health, it is still a daily struggle. Because of my sleep apnea I am constantly exhausted and I find more often then not I am too tired to do anything after work other then just lay in bed. Other than that, I have not had any more exciting hazards like my previous concussion, falling down stair and straining my elbow, or numerous kidney infections! Haha so that is a blessing!!!!

Please continue with your prayers and support because even the littlest encouragement can sometimes get me through a whole week! I love you all and I am also praying for you!

Until I soon return.....

Half Way Done!

I am now at the half way point of finishing my year in England. Thinking about this is very bittersweet. I mean I miss everyone in Washington so badly and really cannot wait to see them again, but I also know the people I have met this year in England will forever share this bond with me and hold a very special place in my heart. Just last night I was talking to my housemate Caroline about what we will be doing when this year finishes and it was one of the first times I have stopped to think about how hard its going to be to go back home. This year in London has by far been the most challenging year of my entire life, but in the same way it has been one to make me really find out who I am and what I want to be.
Today is a beautiful Sunday morning and I sit on my bed just reminiscing about all I have been through thus far. I know alot of you guys in Washington here most of the struggles I face here because that's what I call on you to pray for mostly. But I haven't really stopped to tell you just how incredible it is here either.

Over this year I have really learned what it means to be an extrovert and an introvert. This may come as a shock but I am on the spectrum of extroverts. I get my energy from being around other people and I feel most comfortable in a large group. That being said I begin to think what in the world was I thinking coming all this way by myself then?? Amazingly enough, it is just what I needed. I needed to be pushed out of my comfort zone and into a surrounding where I didn't know anyone or anything. Let me tell you, I have never felt more like I could hold my own then after experiencing this. But it also made me realize that no matter where I go, I am not alone. So many times this year I have come home, ran up to my room, and just fallen on my knees crying out to God, needing to feel Him holding my hand. And every single time He hasn't just held my hand, He has wrapped Himself all around me. I don't find myself walking towards the cross here, I am full on sprinting trying to get as close as I can because His awe and power and mercy and grace, wow it astounds me!!! Just writing this I find tears running down my cheeks because I am just overcome with joy and peace and I feel Him!!

Nothing makes me happier then going into the schools I teach and being tackled with kids giving hugs and saying, "Jeralee Jeralee!! When are you going to take me for my lesson next?" These kids here are absolutely incredible and have taught me so much. They come from such rough backgrounds and experience such hard things everyday that I just am shocked by the strength they have. I know when I go back to Washington these kids are going with me. For the rest of my life I will hold each and every one close and dear to my heart. I want them so badly to see what Jesus can do for them, and although I will be leaving them I have faith they will find Him as I pray for them each and everyday for the rest of my life.

For those of you back at home reading this, I want you to know that YOU have been on this journey with me every step of the way. I have never felt more loved then when this ocean is separating us but yet the power of your prayers and encouragement has seemed as though it were right next to me!! Every facebook message and wall post, every text, every email, every letter, I truly cherish. You wouldn't believe how things you have written to me are posted all over my walls in my room here reminding me constantly of the love and family I have supporting me along this way!

Health this year has been rough and satan has tried to take the best of me, but he hasn't and he won't! No matter what goes on inside my body I am here to do the Lord's work and He has me right where I need to be.

I am on fire for Jesus and you better believe this is only the beginning of my mission work for Him!!

I love you all and though I don't always get the chance to say it, your support and prayers mean everything to me!!!

Let's go worship the Lord today and everyday people!!!